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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Party Algorithm

Soon enough I will be switching off my mobile, pulling the plug of the laptop, in short will do my best to be incommunicado to the world at large.

Now, please don’t mistake me.  I am not pulling the fast one on the boss. Nor am I one of the “End of the World on 21-12” believers. Nothing of that sort.

You see, it will soon be the “Happy New Year” time. (shudder)

Christmas and the New Year is a special time in the developed countries, a time for family, fun and joy. It’s special time of the year for India too, albeit a bit differently. 

The New Year is the time when city roads in India transform into virtual roads of Carmageddon (that game which lets you play out your speed-enhanced, crimson-tinted fantasies).  The women would only be fractionally better off than the hapless pedestrians in the above-mentioned Computer game.

It’s fun time…
Everybody will be trying to party at the same time. I have a neat algorithm for the 31st December eve which goes like this:

Step #1: STAND-IN-QUEUE… to get a taxi/empty parking space

Step #2: STAND-IN-QUEUE… to Enter pub /disco/ bhojanalya (wallet & date permitting) 

Step #3: STAND-IN-QUEUE… to Get a plate / glass (as per taste)

Step #4: STAND-IN-QUEUE… to Push…elbow…swear…claw….fight your way through 
                                                         300 guys…to secure the now-chimera-like 
                                                         paneer tikka on your plate.

/* BTW the elusive Paneer Tikka by now would have, would be a cold, mashed up, unrecognizable gooey stuff (yes...closely resembling the self-esteem of the Indian Cricket fan after the recent England test series). */

/*If you like to drink, these are the days God will help you find motivation to quit.*/

Step #5: Enjoy (if you still can)

The Tulip mania seems almost logical in comparison.

So, even though friends in different levels of sobriety would be Facebook-ing/ texting/emailing /calling to share the awesome fun of driving on jam-packed roads, dodging inebriated speed-racers, ignoring every third car/street corner with its assortment of loud, skinny, drunk, teenagers (not necessarily) in various states of undress (sadly all male), I will choose to maintain my calm and stay put at home.

So, even though certain Hollywood actors (just close friends) whose last names may rhyme with Box or Lolly would be pleading me to join their wild partying, I will choose to maintain my calm and stay put at home.

So, even though the missus will be tempted to venture out, I will choose (read try) to maintain my calm and stay put at home.  
Ha Ha, I jest.

I intend (read prefer) to stay home to some delicious home cooked meal, spend time with the missus & my family and browse through a nice book / a movie and see the night through.

BTW Happy New Year and a Merry Christmas to everybody. 

Stay safe, be happy and share your joys.